Yeah, I said it. Being fat,and trying NOT to be fat and feeling sexy and wanting to have sex. .How do they all go together?
The didn’t.. at least for me. Trying to take care of my house and family,then adding on me trying to lose weight and exercising made for ONE TIRED MOMMA who wanted to do NOTHING in my big comfy bed other than SLEEP.
That made for a grumpy Daddy. A very grumpy Daddy.
Admittedly, there were plenty of times that I just didn’t feel sexy or desirable at all. I am SO different than I was 16 years ago when we got married that I let my insecurities take over. I let my weight loss efforts be a crutch for not wanting to face up to how I am different, and how I feel differently about getting a lil’ crazy with my husband. He and I had a little Facebook fight the other night (God, don’t you just LOVE the ways we can fight now? PM’s on Facebook instead of yelling in front of the kids!) I had an upset tummy,and frankly was knocked on my ass tired after a spin class and then a long upper body workout,and I was pissy that I knew that I had gained 3 pounds and I felt totally BLAH about the whole thing so I just wanted to go to sleep,and he didn’t. Add to that all the issues and stuff I have to deal with from having a gynecological cancer and the assorted surgeries and treatments and stuff,that I fooling around isn’t really apriority. Long story short,he said, “Sometimes I just want it and US to be the priority”.
After I got done being ALL PISSY at him for being as selfish as I thought he was being by wanting to fool around while dammit, I didn’t feel good that I really thought about what he said. And while losing weight is a great goal, we have to remember all the other important things in our lives. My insecurities about my body are just that, MINE, he still wolf whistles, EVERY TIME HE SEES ME NAKED, even when I am dashing from the bedroom to the bathroom. It annoyed the hell out of me. Why would he whistle at THAT? EWWWW— Because he still finds me sexy and loves to see me dashing around naked. (Even typing that I cringe!).
So this weekend I packed up the kids and we dropped them off at their Grandma’s for a sleepover and we made each other a priority. We had a FABULOUS dinner out and we talked and talked and talked..the we went home and just relaxed and yeah, went to bed early ::: blushes::; and, um, got up early :::: blushes again:::: and spent pretty much the whole day just being together. I realized that feeling sexy is as much in your mind as it is how your body looks. I’m still going to make working out and getting healthy one of of my top priorities (well,maybe not Spin class for a day or so,!! But I am going to make sure to give more importance to other things.
Don’t we look happy? and tired? And doesn’t he look a teeny bit smug?
I don’t think I’m the only one who has these body issues and how it effects my sex life- but I’d love to hear about how others handle it.