I’ve had a pretty rotten week. I had been pretty much kicked in the teeth emotionally by someone I cared deeply about, and counted on for support. It seemed as if I had lost 100 of my closet friends in one swoop. My heart was aching thinking that all the love and loyalty and how very much of ME I had given and it was all thrown away.
I felt abandoned.
I wanted to crawl into a hole and do nothing but sulk for a bit. Then, as fate would have it, the very same thing that happened to me happened to my daughter. Some of her very best friends decided that since she had the AUDACITY to be friends with other people,and seek out support (that she wasn’t getting from her “best” friends) from others and make other friends they were done with her. My heart broke for her, too, and we lay in bed together, after a little crying, wrapped up in each other and our misery.
Then, I got mad. Actually, I got PISSED. What the HELL?
I did nothing wrong. She did nothing wrong. I was not worthless! My (our) friendships wasn’t WORTHLESS, and I sure as HELL did not deserve to be thrown away like a used toy.
Truth? I had reverted to some serious EMO eating and not exercising- just wallowing in my own disappointment until I got pissed at what happened to my daughter and saw how the same thing happened to me. So after 4 hours of sleep I crawled out of my bed, got dressed and headed to a local park.
There was nothing LESS than I wanted to do on a cold Saturday than put one my race clothes and take part in a 5K. But I had to remind myself, PROVE to myself that I COULD do this. That while having support is nice, I do have what it takes. So I pulled on my Elf costume (yes, this was a Santa run, after all) and headed to the starting line. All by myself. Dave offered to come, but this was something I needed to do myself. So I put on my bib and my tag, .and RUN SANTA RUN! I put one foot in front of the other, and with each step I found my strength, my resolve, my MOJO again! Not only did I finish the race, I set a personal best! I shaved off 10 minutes from my time last year. I jogged some of it. I even won a trophy- 2nd for best costume.
I won more than that,though. I won back my belief in myself. I won self-worth and I won my motivation. I reminded myself that I can hold my own if needed! I am not a team of 1, because, let’s face it, 1 person does not make a team, but even by myself I can inspire myself.
(thanks to my friend, Mo for inspiring me over and over! He’s truly amazing!)