It all started when my teenage son called me OLD. I laughed, and told him I wasn’t old, I was simply middle aged! He wanted to know what the difference was, because according to him, Middle Age is when it all begins to end. I laughed a little more, and told him that Middle Age wasn’t an ending, it was a beginning, and if he didn’t quit sassing me he wouldn’t live to see middle age.
Of course, later on I was thinking about what he said, and my response. Was it true? Is middle age the Beginning of the End? It sure didn’t feel like it. I was scrolling through my Facebook Memories when I came across this little gem.
How darling did I look? Even just 4 years ago, I looked so damn young. I was deep in the middle of all the things with my kids- bullying and beginning homeschooling, health and mental health issues and I was just trying to keep us all alive and happy. I’m proud to say that I managed to do it – well I keep us alive and reasonably happy, that is.
The more I looked at that cute photo and description I realized that even though many things have stayed the same, other things have changed and I’m not that girl anymore. I’ve aged and it’s a good thing. This is who I am.
I’ll be 49 in September. I’m still working on losing weight and getting healthy, but I think I always will be. I just like brownies and chicken fried steak too much. I am a strong believer in being prepared for anything that comes along, including Zombies. Bullying is not longer a focus for me because it’s not a big part of our lives anymore, but mental illness, depression and anxiety is. I struggled with who I was, who I am, who I am becoming, and how to do that. I’ve remove a lot of the bullshit from my life. I’m rolling with the punches because there are no alternative. It’s evolve or die! Remember that whole Dragonfly thing? A dragonfly symbolizes change, transformation, adaptability, and self-realization. It’s what I’m all about. That’s me. I’m a middle aged woman who is going to embrace the midlife mayhem that is coming.
Here is what my life is about these days, in no particular order:
- College aged kids and how to mother them. It’s a whole new ballgame, people. A WHOLE NEW BALLGAME.
- The last year of homeschooling coming up.
- Peri-menopause. And all the crap that goes with it.
- How to avoid peeing in my pants a little when I sneeze or laugh.
- This stupid diabetes
- Being part of the sandwich generation.
- Navigating friendships as life changes
- Reconnecting with my husband now the child rearing is almost over
- How the hell do I make money now that I’m almost done raising kids?
- How do I afford retirement?
- Preparing for emergencies, and how its different as an (ahem) middle aged person
- Figuring out what what I want to do with the rest of my life.
I guess that I can agree with my son in a way that I am aging, but I’m not in the middle of a mid life crisis. I’ve just reach a point where I simply am no longer attaching importance to things I once did. I have eliminated toxic people and things from my life, and I embrace positivity. Thta alone has helped with my mental health. Honestly, I think I’m much better than I was when I was younger. I’ve learned a lot and let go of a lot and well, to be cliche, like a fine wine, I’ve aged well. But like a big old box ‘o wine, there’s a lot of fun inside me still!