I Want To Tell You About Being The Mom Of Bullied Kids.

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Put A Little HAPPY In Your IN-BOX

October 24, 2015

I want to tell you how it feels to be be the mom of a bullied kids.

I want to tell you how it feels when your heart breaks as your beautiful child looks up at you and asks, “Mom, what’s wrong with me? Why doesn’t anyone like me?”

I want to tell you how it feels when your daughter looks at at you with tears in her eyes and says, “He only asked me to dance to make fun of me.”

I want to let you know how many excuses you can try to make up when your child invites 12 kids to his birthday party, and only two show up, one who obviously was forced by his mom.

I want to tell you how it feels to stand by the door, waiting for the school bus, and praying, “Please, God, let him have had a good day,” and knowing the answer two steps after he gets off the school bus.

I want to tell you how you can cringe every time the phone rings during the school day, how you hope it’s not the school calling with a sick kid, a guidance counselor or a some other problem.

I want to tell you the the horror of walking in on your 13-year-old daughter trying to swallow pills to end her life, because other teens have convinced her that she is worthless and the world would be better off without her.

I want to tell you about pulling over on the side of the road sobbing so hard you vomit because you had to drive away from the hospital—leaving your child in a psych ward for “observation” after taking those pills.

I want to tell you about sitting up, night after night with your teen, holding her hand to both let her know that you are there and to be sure that she doesn’t get up and do something stupid.

I want to tell you about searching for age-appropriate long-sleeved clothing to hide the scars from cutting.

I want to tell you about how hard it is to get mental health help for your depressed teen.

I want to tell you how lonely it is when your friends disappear, because all your time is taken up caring for your kids who need you now, more than ever.

I want to tell you about the hundreds of fights you’d have with people telling you to just get over it, that kids will be kids.

I want to tell you how your marriage will suffer.

I want to tell you how hard you try to protect your child from the horrors of bullying.

But what I really want to tell you is to please, please, please teach your children to be kind. Teach them that while they don’t have to be friends with everyone, they should be civil. Teach them to respect people who are different, and that if they don’t have something nice to say, then don’t say anything at all. Show them by example.

I want to tell you to thank your lucky stars that it’s not your kid, but your kid could be next. I also want you to know that we can help end bullying by teaching our kids to be brave and stand up for one another.

Filed Under: Bullying , Family Wendy 5 Comments

Chester Hall says January 28, 2016 at 11:45 am This post had me right there on the cusp of tears. It was moving, because although I personally don’t have a child that is being bullied (God Bless!), I work with kids that have to deal with this on a regular basis. There are numerous students that have simply begun to shut down, because they are tired of seeking assistance and help for behavior that is seen as “part of growing up.” I have spoken to parents of these children, and I can only imagine what events are going on in their lives that they are not telling me…how it is impacting their homes. Thank you for this glimpse into that world. As an Anti-Bullying/Character Education Specialist for my local school division by day and a Life Coach by night, I know how it can impact the school setting for a student. Negative attention seeking behaviors , chronic illness, becoming socially withdrawn, all ultimately leading to Tardiness and Truancy (I handle that too!). Given an 8-10 hour day away from home (bus rides, classes, Lunch, specials, recess, after school programs, school clubs, sports) it can make for a very traumatizing time for kids, given the multiple (and sometimes un-monitored) opportunities for bullying. It is a problem worth addressing, but not just at a national level which helps in building awareness, but at the smallest levels, the classroom and home, where the cause and effects are actually seen in faces, and not statistics. Thank you once again for this post. If nothing else, it has revitalized my mission and duties mid-school year! I would really enjoy speaking with you further about ways to combat bullying. Reply

Chester Hall says

January 28, 2016 at 11:45 am

This post had me right there on the cusp of tears. It was moving, because although I personally don’t have a child that is being bullied (God Bless!), I work with kids that have to deal with this on a regular basis.

There are numerous students that have simply begun to shut down, because they are tired of seeking assistance and help for behavior that is seen as “part of growing up.” I have spoken to parents of these children, and I can only imagine what events are going on in their lives that they are not telling me…how it is impacting their homes. Thank you for this glimpse into that world.

As an Anti-Bullying/Character Education Specialist for my local school division by day and a Life Coach by night, I know how it can impact the school setting for a student. Negative attention seeking behaviors , chronic illness, becoming socially withdrawn, all ultimately leading to Tardiness and Truancy (I handle that too!). Given an 8-10 hour day away from home (bus rides, classes, Lunch, specials, recess, after school programs, school clubs, sports) it can make for a very traumatizing time for kids, given the multiple (and sometimes un-monitored) opportunities for bullying. It is a problem worth addressing, but not just at a national level which helps in building awareness, but at the smallest levels, the classroom and home, where the cause and effects are actually seen in faces, and not statistics.

Thank you once again for this post. If nothing else, it has revitalized my mission and duties mid-school year! I would really enjoy speaking with you further about ways to combat bullying.

Elisa Dvorak says February 26, 2017 at 11:49 am I admit I could kick myself for reading the entirety of this post when I read it on Scary Mommy. It feels like clickbait, and I think you can do better. Why not make your point about parents teaching kindness to their children at the beginning? Here’s a possible approach that would have been more effective: “When parents teach their children kindness, they reduce a special sort of pain no one should experience. That pain drills a burning hole in a parent’s chest when their child can’t even meet their eyes to ask, “Mom, what’s wrong with me? Why doesn’t anyone like me?” Why go for the drumbeat of “I want…I want…I want.” when describing how the emotional pain feels physically right off the bat? I have found that when a phrase gets repeated too much that people tune out, and I fear that is what happened here. Since I’m too stubborn for my own good, I pressed on with this piece even though I took umbrage at the structure the longer it went on. In the end, I ask why aren’t you telling us the story? The story might help other parents actually figure out specifics on teaching their children kindness instead of trying to escape an ominous verbal drumbeat. Reply Wendy says March 1, 2017 at 9:17 pm Well, thanks for the critique, I guess! My writing style isn’t for everyone. If you bothered to read through my blog, you’ll see that I share many, many tips with parents on how to help their kids with bullying, see our series: 31 Ways to Help Beat Bullying. I DID tell the story, over and over. You just wanted to complain, and not to research. GO ahead, read my blg, read HER blog (Allydemonte.com) and you’ll get the story. And maybe, just maybe you’ll learn how to look first and complain later. Reply Elisa Dvorak says March 4, 2017 at 11:01 pm I appreciate your willingness to display my comment. I know many bloggers would not. That said, I’ve leafed through your blog (for the bullying related and non-bullying related entries). Even things on thirfting feel like clickbait, and in this day and age I find it difficult to stomach. I worry that your readers will become used to this spoonfeeding and set aside their critical thinking skills at a time they are needed more than over. I find that troubling across the board and do hope you consider these aspects in the future. Reply Wendy says March 5, 2017 at 10:59 am I honestly do not care if you feel as if my articles read “like click bait”, because people are coming and reading and learning. The good thing is, you don’t have to stomach it, Nor do you needlessly have to comment critiques on a blog where no one asked you to. You are free to close out the blog, and move on. I do hope you’ll consider that in the future. Reply

Elisa Dvorak says

February 26, 2017 at 11:49 am

I admit I could kick myself for reading the entirety of this post when I read it on Scary Mommy. It feels like clickbait, and I think you can do better. Why not make your point about parents teaching kindness to their children at the beginning? Here’s a possible approach that would have been more effective:

“When parents teach their children kindness, they reduce a special sort of pain no one should experience. That pain drills a burning hole in a parent’s chest when their child can’t even meet their eyes to ask, “Mom, what’s wrong with me? Why doesn’t anyone like me?”

Why go for the drumbeat of “I want…I want…I want.” when describing how the emotional pain feels physically right off the bat? I have found that when a phrase gets repeated too much that people tune out, and I fear that is what happened here. Since I’m too stubborn for my own good, I pressed on with this piece even though I took umbrage at the structure the longer it went on. In the end, I ask why aren’t you telling us the story? The story might help other parents actually figure out specifics on teaching their children kindness instead of trying to escape an ominous verbal drumbeat.

Wendy says March 1, 2017 at 9:17 pm Well, thanks for the critique, I guess! My writing style isn’t for everyone. If you bothered to read through my blog, you’ll see that I share many, many tips with parents on how to help their kids with bullying, see our series: 31 Ways to Help Beat Bullying. I DID tell the story, over and over. You just wanted to complain, and not to research. GO ahead, read my blg, read HER blog (Allydemonte.com) and you’ll get the story. And maybe, just maybe you’ll learn how to look first and complain later. Reply Elisa Dvorak says March 4, 2017 at 11:01 pm I appreciate your willingness to display my comment. I know many bloggers would not. That said, I’ve leafed through your blog (for the bullying related and non-bullying related entries). Even things on thirfting feel like clickbait, and in this day and age I find it difficult to stomach. I worry that your readers will become used to this spoonfeeding and set aside their critical thinking skills at a time they are needed more than over. I find that troubling across the board and do hope you consider these aspects in the future. Reply Wendy says March 5, 2017 at 10:59 am I honestly do not care if you feel as if my articles read “like click bait”, because people are coming and reading and learning. The good thing is, you don’t have to stomach it, Nor do you needlessly have to comment critiques on a blog where no one asked you to. You are free to close out the blog, and move on. I do hope you’ll consider that in the future. Reply

Wendy says

March 1, 2017 at 9:17 pm

Well, thanks for the critique, I guess! My writing style isn’t for everyone. If you bothered to read through my blog, you’ll see that I share many, many tips with parents on how to help their kids with bullying, see our series: 31 Ways to Help Beat Bullying. I DID tell the story, over and over. You just wanted to complain, and not to research. GO ahead, read my blg, read HER blog (Allydemonte.com) and you’ll get the story. And maybe, just maybe you’ll learn how to look first and complain later.

Elisa Dvorak says March 4, 2017 at 11:01 pm I appreciate your willingness to display my comment. I know many bloggers would not. That said, I’ve leafed through your blog (for the bullying related and non-bullying related entries). Even things on thirfting feel like clickbait, and in this day and age I find it difficult to stomach. I worry that your readers will become used to this spoonfeeding and set aside their critical thinking skills at a time they are needed more than over. I find that troubling across the board and do hope you consider these aspects in the future. Reply Wendy says March 5, 2017 at 10:59 am I honestly do not care if you feel as if my articles read “like click bait”, because people are coming and reading and learning. The good thing is, you don’t have to stomach it, Nor do you needlessly have to comment critiques on a blog where no one asked you to. You are free to close out the blog, and move on. I do hope you’ll consider that in the future. Reply

March 4, 2017 at 11:01 pm

I appreciate your willingness to display my comment. I know many bloggers would not. That said, I’ve leafed through your blog (for the bullying related and non-bullying related entries). Even things on thirfting feel like clickbait, and in this day and age I find it difficult to stomach. I worry that your readers will become used to this spoonfeeding and set aside their critical thinking skills at a time they are needed more than over. I find that troubling across the board and do hope you consider these aspects in the future.

Wendy says March 5, 2017 at 10:59 am I honestly do not care if you feel as if my articles read “like click bait”, because people are coming and reading and learning. The good thing is, you don’t have to stomach it, Nor do you needlessly have to comment critiques on a blog where no one asked you to. You are free to close out the blog, and move on. I do hope you’ll consider that in the future. Reply

March 5, 2017 at 10:59 am

I honestly do not care if you feel as if my articles read “like click bait”, because people are coming and reading and learning. The good thing is, you don’t have to stomach it, Nor do you needlessly have to comment critiques on a blog where no one asked you to. You are free to close out the blog, and move on. I do hope you’ll consider that in the future.

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