If I had know then what I know now, maybe my daughter would not have tried to kill herself.
Maybe, if I had spoken to her more about bullying and known how different it really is these days, she wouldn’t have lost basically 2 years of her life. Really, the whole family lost two years as we all learned about bullying, depression and how to recover from a self-esteem pushed so low that the only way up was to die. She’s fine now, and stand up for bullied kids and teaches them to #BeBrave and fight back against bullying, but it was a LONG road. I was an involved parent who knew well the schools, the teachers, the kids that were my kids friends. And yet, I didn’t really know how much bullying had changed since I was a kid. I didn’t realize that cyber-bullying never went away, and even if you turned off the computers, the words were still there, waiting for when you booted up. I didn’t realize the pack mentality and how kids hide behind the perceived anonymity of the Internet. I didn’t know she had been bullied for years and what that cost her. I didn’t know.
I wasn’t prepared for talking to my kids about bullying, and it almost cost me a child. I’ll never forgive myself for that.
I know now what to do and how to help me kids navigate bullying. But it took something unimaginable to get to this knowledge. That’s why I started a petition on Change.org to help the AdCouncil and Tilt.com gain awareness of a fabulous program that helps parents learn how to help talk to their kids about bullying. Be More Than a Bystander includes PSAs and digital tools that encourage parents to “teach your kids how to be more than a bystander” through safe actions that help stop bulling, including: tell a trusted adult such as a family member, teacher or coach; help the person being bullied get away from the situation; be a friend to the person being bullied; set a good example – do not bully others; and don’t give bullying an audience. Statistics show that more than 1 in 4 children a year (13 million) experience some form of bullying at school, on the bus, and elsewhere, making it the most common form of violence young people face in this country. Research shows that bullying is a concern for parents, but not something they proactively discuss with their children until it directly impacts their child. Bystanders can play a pivotal role—in fact, when a third party intervenes, bullying is significantly more likely to end. I know first hand this is true. When Aedan stood up for a kid being bullied, the bullying stopped. Ally told me that if ONE person had stood up for her, than things might have been different. Maybe if I knew more about bullying and how to help my kids, things wouldn’t have gotten so bad. Will you please sign?
This program works. Parents can play a pivotal role in helping to end bullying. Research shows that when parents talk to their kids about bullying, their children are more likely to take action to stop bullying. And when bystanders intervene, bullying stops within 10 seconds, 57% of the time. It also needs funding to help it continue to grow and reach more people. Will you consider making a donation of just $7? That’s for the 7 our of 10 kids that are affected by bullying.
Imagine if this was your son or daughter. Wouldn’t you want to be able to help them? This program can help.
Simply TALKING to you kids works. It does. If we all teach our kids how to deal with bullying, we can help end it.
What a difficult journey and so sad to hear that your child was bullied so badly. I hope you can forgive yourself, we all falter, we aren’t always equipped no matter what information we have… and you certainly are doing great good now by sharing your story! This is such an important topic and cause, we all certainly need to join together to put an end to bullying!
I think a part of me will always not forgive. But, that being said, we learned from it and use it to help others.
I definitely am my child’s protector and advocate. We also talk about being supportive of others and standing up for what’s right.
YES YES YES! Our biggest rule in our house, the only rule, really, is “Be Kind”. We, as a family have made it our business to #BeBrave and stand up to bullies, and up for the bullied.
It’s so tough to know our child has been hurt. Thanks for standing up against bullying.
I agree, Susan. Listen, I’m not one to say that we need to make our kids all sweetness and light, challenges build character. I do believe that prolonged bullying needs to end, though.
I definitely want to protect my kids, but I think back to my childhood and it wasn’t called bullying back then. It was just part of growing up.
There is a very real difference between bullying, and things being just growing up. There is a VERY real problem where every little slight is being called bullying.But there is a REAL difference. Not being asked to sit at a lunch table isn’t being bullied- it’s life. Not everyone has to like you and include you. Being told nobody likes you, you have to move, having a whole table jeer at you and send you away, then texting and tweeting photos of you walking away dejectedly as they tell everyone to not let you sit with them? That’s bullying. That happened when we were kids, (Not the tweeting and texting, but still) and it was bullying now. I was bullied as a child, and I can tell you that having an entire class jeer at you as you attempt something in a PE class wasn’t life, it was life altering bullying, for sure.
If all of us, young and old, made a point of standing up to bullies it would make huge difference. thank you for sharing with us.
I am so sorry you went through that. Seems like it is getting worse and worse… Thanks for sharing with us.
It is so heartbreaking and so frustrating this still goes on. Both of my kids were bullied, one by a teacher. It makes me sick.
My son was bullied by a teacher, as well. I ended up having to take action. It’s terrible when a kid doesn’t feel safe or wanted at school. Is your son ok now?
I’m 40 yr old woman, I’m from Brazil and I have been living in USA for 16 yr. I always had heard about bullying in this country, I frist learn about bullying on my frist year living here when one of the girls who worked with me at stews Leonard’s took her life. Later on we find out that she was been bullying at school. That shocked me and I started to read all about bullying. Of course as someone says here bullying back 30-35 years a go was the same, but we have out minds ocupaied, and we didn’t even care enough to take to serious. I remember when I was a kid that my friends calling me names because I was so skinny ( now I’m fat) LOL, remember that I never play sports because I was so sick with asthma and everyone makes fun of me. I remember lots of things specially on father day, since my dad was never around I hate father days, and my mom forced us to attend school that day and show to everyone that a single mother can be a dad, but how can you explain this to a 5-6 years old girl?? So the bullying was tremendous and they only stopped when I went to 7th school. 2 1/2 years a go I decide to go back to school, and believe a 37 years old woman suffering bullying?? Yes !! It’s happen in college too, and at my age. People make fun of my accent, about my good GPA ” how can a immigrant can have a better GPA then I do” but the biggest bullying coming from professors. If you don’t know how to stand up for your self with college professors they will torn you down, they will destroy your dreams and they will discourage you of keeping going. What I learn from this it’s have been working so well in my case. Every time I suffer a bullying coming from a professor I write it down exactly what he says to me and at the end of the semester after I have my grades posted I handle all the letters to them. I treat them nice after each bullying I say I’m sorry doctor, I will gonna try to do my best, if they don’t like my opinion or paper and write another one. And I please them, at the end I’m sure that they feel like shit when they get to read all my pain and how much damage they did to me on my semester. But I’m keeping going my GPA it’s 3.79 I attend 2 schools and I have learn how to everyone bullying. At this moment I’m writing what I call my bullying review from one of my professors and believe or not he is a doctor in sociology, and he is a ass! Even tho he knew all that happen to me this yr( losing my house in a fire, lost my American dad for cancer, and be diagnosed with ovarion cancer and gonna have to have surgery soon) he never made easy for me, he humiliate me, he writes bad comments on my papers, he stoping for giving me personal opinion in class, he is rude and I’m sure he dosent care a heart inside him. My letter to him is now over 4 pages I hope he can read until the end!! Thank you for sharing this blog, glad to know that your daughter learned how to stad up for her self and overcome from such a thing!!
Patricia,
First, GOOD FOR YOU for going back to school. I am proud of you! I’m so sorry that you are STILL being bullied, but yes, it has no age. I love that you are keeping the letters, and I’d not only give them to the teacher, but to his boss, too. Keep going STRONG!
and this is why we homeschool. My 8 year old daughter had the life sucked out of her by teachers and students alike. The saddest part? She loves learning!! I hate that they took that from her. I hate that I spent every day of her life telling her she was beautiful, smart, and kind because she was she is! But it took only 2 years for everything I tried boosting self worth, esteem, confidence to break a part. She isn’t the same girl I sent to school, today she’s broken from being told how wrong she was, she wasn’t fast enough slows enough talked too much didn’t participate enough the list goes on. My dads response to these things is that’s how people grow up and even had my mother in law tell me she needs to experience these things to toughen up. No no no and no!!
Oh, Heidi- ME TOO! The same with my son and daughter. And now, we homeschool, too, and it’s such a different family now.
I’m so sorry your family had to endure this. I think back and try to remember if bullying was such a big problem a hundred years ago when I was in school (okay, maybe not quite that long ago). I don’t remember it being so pronounced. Kids today are just so harsh, and we definitely need to stand up and fight back. If a kid bully understands that his behavior isn’t acceptable, maybe there’s still a chance that he can grow up to be a worthwhile adult.
I wonder why it seems to be such a bigger problem now, too. I do notice as we push kids now to be “the best” does that have anything to do with it?
I think social media is a huge factor. It didn’t exist when we were kids…. And as your daughter found, it doesn’t go away.
This is so sad your daughter and your family had to deal with this. It is a sad society our kids are creating especially wiht the power of social media
I think so many kids hide behind social media, and their parents do not follow up on what they are doing!
Wow. So moving. I am not prepared to speak to my children about bullying, but it is so important. It’s also, I totally agree, about the how you handle it and the leadership you help your child gain to get situations under control. I am signing!
THANK YOU for signing. Start talking to your kids about it now, while they are small, so they it’s always been part of their life- they they don’t and won’t accept bullying.
It’s a shame that bullying is still a problem. It was definitely a problem when I was growing up. My girls made a video on anti-bullying. I’d love to sign.
Thanks for signing, and I’d love to see your girls video! Will you send it to me? Wendy at weightsover .com
I feel that bullying will always be a problem because of the structure in society. But I love that people are being proactive now about stopping bullying. There were never these anti-bully campaigns out there when I was a kid. You were bullied and you were ashamed and you told know one. The problem today is its on the internet. I’m afraid for my kids to get to the age where they need email addresses and want to be on social media, I at least have about 10 years to go before I’ll allow them on social media but its truly heartbreaking. I’m glad to see your daughter found her confidence and her voice and is helping others through what she went through.
Bullying will only stop when people stop being bystanders. People need to intervene and make it clear to the bullies that there are consequences to their actions. And adults need to set an example by not being bullies themselves.
absolutely, Lois! This is EXACTLY the only way it will end
I am so sorry that your daughter had to endure such pain that she wanted to end her life. How can people be so cruel? That is something that I will never understand. As adults we need to be so careful to model the behavior that we expect from our kids……kindness, compassion, not gossiping about others, etc. and we need to teach our children to speak up when we see others being mistreated. Times have changed, that’s for sure! Glad to know that your family is healing. Thanks for speaking about this subject, which I’m sure is quite painful for you.
Wow, such a powerful post. You’ve gotten my attention, you are in my prayers.
Such truth. I was watching a reality show and listened while a grown man constantly bullied another. No one would do anything,. Basically said the first just liked to push peoples buttons. Well THAT is a bully. I was so angry I sent off an email to the show, producers and the channel.
YES! that is a bully!
My daughter is nine and I worry about bullying all the time. Especially at this age. We try to teach her to stand up for herself as well as others.
What a transparent post thank you for sharing it with us. It seems like bullying gets more and more, I dont remember it like this when we were children. Prayers and hugs for you!
No one deserves to be bullied! This is such a powerful post, I’m so sorry your child was bullied.
Bullying has gotten horrible. My son has been bullied about a dozen times this year by different children. I am tired of seeing my son hurting.
Bullying is such a problem in schools. I’m thankful we have a wonderful program at our school that seems to be working very well. I just wish they could bottle it up and send it to other schools. If you are seen or heard bullying, look out…the bully will be sorry. (No physical harm, but the bully will have a circle around him (or her), asking if they have a problem).
Nancy, I would LOVE to hear more about this. Would you email me? Wendy at weightsover dot com
I’m sorry your beautiful child was bullied and very thankful that you did not lose her. Bullying is epidemic in the country and really needs to be stopped. Congratulations on your efforts to stop it.
It’s sad that bullies feed off of a false sense of power. I like how much awareness is coming about. I think that’s a huge positive step in really exacting change.
I am so sorry to hear that your daughter was going through a tough time. I’m glad to hear she is recovering. Bullying is never okay, no matter what age. Seeing your own child go through that is scary and never fun. I wish the best to both of you.
Bullying is not okay, but neither is being a bystander. If you see someone being bullied, stand up to them. Sure that bully might be scary, but not when there are a group of kids telling them to stop.
That’s it, exactly. If everyone around stood up to it, it WOULD end!
Bullying has become such a horrendous thing. It used to be simple name calling. Now it’s cyber bullying to the point of children committing suicide. Sometimes, this world is horrifying.
yes, that’s it! It’s changed so much- which is something I didn’t know and why it almost cost my my daughter.
I’m so grateful that your child wasn’t lost to you through the experience. What a horrible tragedy it would have been and has been for other parents who weren’t so lucky. I feel like bullying begins at home and that’s why it is SO hard to stop.
I’m grateful, too- every day. Yes! Bullying needs to be discussed in every home- there can be no misunderstandings about how bad it is!
My son is autistic and got bullied a lot while riding the bus to and from school and I actually dealt with it and I’m happy that I did. Sorry your daughter was going through the same thing. I’ll be more than happy and willing to sign the petition.
Thank you, Amanda. I’m so sorry your son was bullied on the bus. My son was bullied on the bus, too! It’s so hard to oversee a bus ride. Thanks for signing and sharing
I signed your petition. Please do not be so hard on yourself…as parents we try our hardest to do what is best. Your actions once you found out shows you are a caring and loving MOM! I work in the ER and people would be shocked at the number of attempted teen suicides that take place on a daily basis – I live in small town USA. The only thing I feel that will help stop Bullying is to speak up! Sharing your post and your petition.
Thank you for signing and sharing. I am learning to give myself a little leeway, but still- I should have known. I’m working so hard to help other parents to GET IT so they won’t have to go through what I did.
I think it is such a bigger problem now. Back when we were kids there was no internet, no kid had a cell phone or Facebook or Twitter. It’s a lot easier to torture a kid when you do not have to look them in the eye. So sad.
Yes, Mistee- Exactly. And it was easier to GET AWAY- all you had to do was go home. Now it follows you, everywhere.
I am so sorry to hear that your child was bullied. My oldest is in school and even though he is young we have had the bullying talk both him being bullied and him being the bully. I don’t want him to be on either end of the stick and I hope early talks prevent it from occurring.
I am always amazed at how some people treat others. Why do some people seem to have no conscience?
Bullying is something that so many children have to suffer through. I really wish more people would be vocal about it and stand up for others.
I am sorry that your family has had to deal with this. I long for a day when bullying is no longer so prevalent in our society.
I don’t know your daughter, but it just breaks my heart to think of the pain she must have been feeling. Thank you for sharing your story. Getting to know how deeply it affects children and teens, but also how we can help to make it better, are so important.
This is very sad. Kids can really be so cruel. You could only do so much as a parent. I feel for you and for your daughter. No child should ever have to go through this extreme pain.
Your post really made an impact on my day today. Bullying is such a horrific thing and I know it goes on more than people care to admit. My son was being bullied years ago on a school bus by our neighbor kid. I finally had enough (after I had coached my son for months) I found myself on that school bus one day having a VERY firm chat with this kid. My son was mortified but after I confronted him, the bus driver and his parents the bullying stopped.
I went through another bullying situation with my daughter- But after much coaching of my daughter I told her to punch the girl who was bullying her. (jokingly) I had no idea my daughter would take me seriously and finally one day had enough and punched the bully. It too stopped once this girl knew my daughter could fight back. I don’t promote fighting and my daughter got talked to that I wasn’t really serious but I think of those children who can’t stand up for themselves or if they do it gets worse. 🙁 I know if I ever found out one my kids was being a bully it would be stopped so fast they wouldn’t know what happened and they would be on the kids door step with an apology and a treat. I can’t tolerate that kind of stuff and no child or teen should have to go through it.
It breaks my heart, and the worst part is that it is starting younger and younger. I try talking to my daughter very frequently about how we should treat others and how it hurts when someone talks to you in a way you don’t like. I hope that she is really listening and will take it to heart.
My son recommended to me a great documentary called “Bully.” Both my children were taught to stand up for people.
Thank you for standing up to bullying. I’ll sign that petition. I always try to make sure my kids know I am here to talk – whenever and about whatever – but I don’t know if I am succeeding at that.
What happened to your daughter is so sad, and I am glad that she is okay now. I think my daughter was bullied some in middle school. (I ended up homeschooling her for two years.)
We’ve gone through this too. So hard to deal with and no easy solutions.
This is a scary thing to have to deal with. There have always been bullies in school and now it just seems to go to far.
Bullying is a whole new level nowdays it’s horrible. Just horrible. I’m always talking to our kids about it and double checking with them about what’s going on in their lives at school.
I’m so sorry your family and especially your daughter have had to go through this. Bullying is horrible and I really feel for kids today that have to grow up with it being both on and offline. Thank you so much for taking a stand.
I’m so sorry your daughter had to go through that. No child should ever be faced with that!
First of all thank God your daughter is fine now! Thank you for sharing your story and for inspiring us to take action. I had chills as I read. Bullying is a HUGE problem and as you know all too well, it is often a silent problem, and it is everywhere. It is also a problem that is greatly misunderstood… Sadly the victim of bullying is often questioned about the validity of his or her accusations, probably because for most of us it is hard to fully comprehend the real impact of that behavior. Your daughter’s story needs to be shared. Someone who has not been bullied can not comprehend the deep wounds that are inflicted. Yes we need to teach our children to stand up and have the courage to speak up and take action if they witness bullying. As a community we need to have a zero tolerance policy towards bullying and it starts in our homes, by having an open dialogue with our kids and teaching them to be respectful towards others and to have the courage to step in when they know they should.
Such a touching story. My middle child started getting bully a little bit this year and we had to talk about it and it’s a Kindergarten level. It’s hard to figure out what to say.
It always saddens me to hear someone being bullied, because I know how it feels. I was mostly teased, picked on, and even pushed to the ground once (by a boy), mostly because I was the shy, quiet kid. There was even a couple of teachers that bullied me. The first teacher was a kindergarten teacher, resulting my mom in transferring me to a different school. The other one was a 4th grade teacher. Bullying has significantly escalated since my school years, thanks to the internet. 🙁
We dealt with bullying when my oldest was in middle school – SO awful. I just don’t even get it. And the PARENTS were just as bad – if not worse – than the children. I was so fortunate to not be bullied in school – but to see it happen to my girls sends me in to a rage.
Hindsight is always 20/20 so you can;t beat yourself up over what you didn’t know. That being said I love that you are taking something horrible and shining a bright light on it so it doesn’t happen to others.