Wanted: A Friend
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November 10, 2014
In a world where you can find pretty much anything you need online, I wondered if I could find something I am seeking: Friends. I mean IRL or ‘in real life friends’. I have lots of on-line friend and I love and cherish them, but there is something about a friend you can meet for coffee, have dinner with, or or with whom you can just simply hang out. With my best friend moving away last week, I’ve been giving a lot of thought about friends. In particular, how few in real life friends I have. What do I do? How do I fix it? How do I make friends in this disconnected world? If people can find their life mates online, surely I can find a friend or two? Wouldn’t it be great if there was a Friend.com, like Match.com, where you could go and hopefully find a new friends? If there were, I’d totally place an ad, like this:
Wanted – Connecticut forty-something, happily married mother of two children- a tween and a teen, seeks female Friends. Should have at least average intelligence and above average wit. Must be willing to receive texts, phone calls, Facebook messages at any time and be able to share support and humor for whatever crisis is current. Must be available for coffee, hikes, shopping trips, workouts, or drinks/dinner out on occasion. Interest in socializing with family, dinners out and home potlucks and pizza delivery nights because we’re having too much fun to cook appreciated. A love of Clean Eating is good, as is the unmistakable desire to simple enjoy McDonald’s French fries on occasion. Must be willing to share a cup of sugar, a cup of tea, or a glass of wine, as well as a hug as the situation calls. Must like cats and dogs, and tolerate cat hair. SAHM’s a plus, but definitely not required. Lover of all things Zombies and The Walking Dead preferable, but not necessary. I do not discriminate based on age, height, weight, race, clothes, bad hair days, face wrinkles, messy living rooms, unruly children, or dirty vehicles. You’ll get a true, honest, real life friend who will always be there for you, to have your back, and is prepared to be a friend for life.
Although I live in a real neighborhood surround by people, there are a lot of days I feel alone. It’s a different “alone” than being stuck at home with little kids. My kids are 12.5 and 16, and we’re past the point of where “your friends are the parents of your kids friends” stage. The very simple truth is that I am lonely, and I don’t know how to make friends here. Whether its due to the New England mentality of where we live, my role as a stay at home mom, and teacher to my kids, I find myself longing for more friends. As someone who has always been surrounded by friends, and usually makes friends easily, this really upsetting to me. I’ve already decided to do “ Soup nights ” at our house to see if that would help us become closer to people, but boy, it would be great to post an ad like this somewhere! In fact, it would be great to answer an ad like that. If you were to write a “friend” as, what would it say?
Filed Under: Life Wendy 35 Comments
Whitney Jordan says November 10, 2014 at 2:32 pm I have some really great IRL friends, but I don’t get to see them nearly as often as I’d like. We are all busy and have a million things going on. They are awesome and we have the best time when we do hang out, but still, I can understand that lonely feeling that you mentioned. Reply
Whitney Jordan says
November 10, 2014 at 2:32 pm
I have some really great IRL friends, but I don’t get to see them nearly as often as I’d like. We are all busy and have a million things going on. They are awesome and we have the best time when we do hang out, but still, I can understand that lonely feeling that you mentioned.
Pennywise Cook says November 10, 2014 at 2:41 pm I could’ve written this myself. I feel this way all too often. I start to feel silly about wanting friends, but it’s not a nice feeling when you are surrounded by folks and still feel alone. I wish it was like it was in school when you had that best friend that you talked to everyday. Life is a little more complicated than it was back then, huh? Know you aren’t alone! I’ll be your friend! 😉 Reply
Pennywise Cook says
November 10, 2014 at 2:41 pm
I could’ve written this myself. I feel this way all too often. I start to feel silly about wanting friends, but it’s not a nice feeling when you are surrounded by folks and still feel alone. I wish it was like it was in school when you had that best friend that you talked to everyday. Life is a little more complicated than it was back then, huh? Know you aren’t alone! I’ll be your friend! 😉
Daisy says November 10, 2014 at 2:41 pm We moved here two years ago and I’m still looking for good friends. It takes time and is hard sometimes because I feel like everyone our age is stretched thin with so much to do that we don’t always slow down to invest in friends enough. Reply
Daisy says
We moved here two years ago and I’m still looking for good friends. It takes time and is hard sometimes because I feel like everyone our age is stretched thin with so much to do that we don’t always slow down to invest in friends enough.
Patty says November 10, 2014 at 2:46 pm I think the internet has made it harder in some ways to find friends in real life. We get involved online and those relationships can be just as real. Reply
Patty says
November 10, 2014 at 2:46 pm
I think the internet has made it harder in some ways to find friends in real life. We get involved online and those relationships can be just as real.
Holly says November 10, 2014 at 3:50 pm While we haven’t moved recently, I still could have written this. I’m always at a loss to meet new people and be the friend that is needed but not used. Reply
Holly says
November 10, 2014 at 3:50 pm
While we haven’t moved recently, I still could have written this. I’m always at a loss to meet new people and be the friend that is needed but not used.
Anita says November 10, 2014 at 4:43 pm The same thing happened to me. I moved to NY from RI only 2 1/2 hr drive. I could visit her on weekends but she then moved to Florida. I was able to visit her this past April when my family flew down there but I still miss her and it is hard making new IRL. Reply
Anita says
November 10, 2014 at 4:43 pm
The same thing happened to me. I moved to NY from RI only 2 1/2 hr drive. I could visit her on weekends but she then moved to Florida. I was able to visit her this past April when my family flew down there but I still miss her and it is hard making new IRL.
Crystal says November 10, 2014 at 5:02 pm I’ve made a lot of great friends online, but still crave real life interactions. I don’t see my friends as often as I’d like, so I’m hoping a soup night like you’re planning will bring us all back together. Reply
Crystal says
November 10, 2014 at 5:02 pm
I’ve made a lot of great friends online, but still crave real life interactions. I don’t see my friends as often as I’d like, so I’m hoping a soup night like you’re planning will bring us all back together.
Heather says November 10, 2014 at 6:33 pm This post makes me sad. Everyone needs a good friend. I say if you lived in my area, Flagstaff, Arizona, I’d go out and grab a cup of coffee with you. Everyone needs friends! Reply
Heather says
November 10, 2014 at 6:33 pm
This post makes me sad. Everyone needs a good friend. I say if you lived in my area, Flagstaff, Arizona, I’d go out and grab a cup of coffee with you. Everyone needs friends!
Shop with Me Mama says November 10, 2014 at 6:35 pm when I first moved to Washington, I had NO ONE. No friends at all. Then when my kids started school, I became super good friends with two of the parents. I love mynew friends and they live so close! I hope you are able to get out and meet some IRL friends too! Reply
Shop with Me Mama says
November 10, 2014 at 6:35 pm
when I first moved to Washington, I had NO ONE. No friends at all. Then when my kids started school, I became super good friends with two of the parents. I love mynew friends and they live so close! I hope you are able to get out and meet some IRL friends too!
Jenn says November 10, 2014 at 9:24 pm Aww I can relate. After moving to FL from NY I have made a few friends but there is nothing like your good old friends. We still speak on the phone and text but its not the same 🙁 Reply
Jenn says
November 10, 2014 at 9:24 pm
Aww I can relate. After moving to FL from NY I have made a few friends but there is nothing like your good old friends. We still speak on the phone and text but its not the same 🙁
Nicole (Travel Blogger) says November 10, 2014 at 9:25 pm MeetUp.com is a great resource to find those will common / similar interests. Everything from fellow bloggers to walking around the neighborhood groups. I’ve met some really fantastic friends this way. Reply Wendy says November 11, 2014 at 9:40 am oh, thanks for that! I didn’t think about it! I use Meetup for homeschool stuff. I’m going to check it out! Reply
Nicole (Travel Blogger) says
November 10, 2014 at 9:25 pm
MeetUp.com is a great resource to find those will common / similar interests. Everything from fellow bloggers to walking around the neighborhood groups. I’ve met some really fantastic friends this way.
Wendy says November 11, 2014 at 9:40 am oh, thanks for that! I didn’t think about it! I use Meetup for homeschool stuff. I’m going to check it out! Reply
Wendy says
November 11, 2014 at 9:40 am
oh, thanks for that! I didn’t think about it! I use Meetup for homeschool stuff. I’m going to check it out!
Kimberly Grabinski says November 10, 2014 at 9:43 pm Hey, McDonald’s aside, I could be your friend! Well….except for the like 6 states in between us. I prefer pizza as my indulgence. And maybe ice cream LOL Reply
Kimberly Grabinski says
November 10, 2014 at 9:43 pm
Hey, McDonald’s aside, I could be your friend! Well….except for the like 6 states in between us. I prefer pizza as my indulgence. And maybe ice cream LOL
Raijean says November 10, 2014 at 10:04 pm Oh, I hope this feeling passes. I can often relate. Reply
Raijean says
November 10, 2014 at 10:04 pm
Oh, I hope this feeling passes. I can often relate.
Stephanie says November 10, 2014 at 11:14 pm I understand the feeling! I hope you find someone. Reply
Stephanie says
November 10, 2014 at 11:14 pm
I understand the feeling! I hope you find someone.
Kathleen Kennedy-Leon says November 11, 2014 at 12:27 am So brave of you to write a post like this–good for you. Long Island isn’t to far from CT–but in all reality-have you thought about joining a book club? Getting involved at your parish if you attend church or a rec sport? You’ve already put yourself out there-now you need to be where the friends are to find one–good luck on your search! Reply Wendy says November 11, 2014 at 9:39 am Hi, Kathleen! Thanks for commenting. Yes, I was part of a book club a while back, but it fizzled out. Our church does things, but there are not so many people around who socialize. (I can do more there, I think) I think I’m going to volunteer at the library, maybe start a book club, and of course, have our soup night! Reply
Kathleen Kennedy-Leon says
November 11, 2014 at 12:27 am
So brave of you to write a post like this–good for you. Long Island isn’t to far from CT–but in all reality-have you thought about joining a book club? Getting involved at your parish if you attend church or a rec sport? You’ve already put yourself out there-now you need to be where the friends are to find one–good luck on your search!
Wendy says November 11, 2014 at 9:39 am Hi, Kathleen! Thanks for commenting. Yes, I was part of a book club a while back, but it fizzled out. Our church does things, but there are not so many people around who socialize. (I can do more there, I think) I think I’m going to volunteer at the library, maybe start a book club, and of course, have our soup night! Reply
November 11, 2014 at 9:39 am
Hi, Kathleen! Thanks for commenting. Yes, I was part of a book club a while back, but it fizzled out. Our church does things, but there are not so many people around who socialize. (I can do more there, I think) I think I’m going to volunteer at the library, maybe start a book club, and of course, have our soup night!
Mistee Dawn says November 11, 2014 at 1:51 am I completely understand. I get lonely, too. Homeschooling my daughter and being here with her 24/7 does make for some lonely nights and weekends. Reply
Mistee Dawn says
November 11, 2014 at 1:51 am
I completely understand. I get lonely, too. Homeschooling my daughter and being here with her 24/7 does make for some lonely nights and weekends.
Shell Feis says November 11, 2014 at 3:52 am Aww I’m sorry to hear that you’re lonely, I can completely relate. I do have young kids and so like you said, my friends are primarily the parents of my kids’ friends and so they aren’t the TRUE friends that will be there for you no matter what except for maybe one of them. Reply
Shell Feis says
November 11, 2014 at 3:52 am
Aww I’m sorry to hear that you’re lonely, I can completely relate. I do have young kids and so like you said, my friends are primarily the parents of my kids’ friends and so they aren’t the TRUE friends that will be there for you no matter what except for maybe one of them.
Angela says November 11, 2014 at 9:34 am I moved away from all of my real life friends a few years ago. I haven’t really found any new friends in my rural area. While my online friends are the best, I miss having a friend to go shopping or dinner with. I totally get this. Reply Wendy says November 11, 2014 at 9:41 am exactly! That’s exactly it! Reply
Angela says
November 11, 2014 at 9:34 am
I moved away from all of my real life friends a few years ago. I haven’t really found any new friends in my rural area. While my online friends are the best, I miss having a friend to go shopping or dinner with. I totally get this.
Wendy says November 11, 2014 at 9:41 am exactly! That’s exactly it! Reply
November 11, 2014 at 9:41 am
exactly! That’s exactly it!
Liz Mays says November 11, 2014 at 10:13 am Since I moved I haven’t made (or even tried to make) any friends here. I do miss going to lunch every week with my girlfriends. Sometimes we even went twice a week. Thank goodness for blog friends! Reply
Liz Mays says
November 11, 2014 at 10:13 am
Since I moved I haven’t made (or even tried to make) any friends here. I do miss going to lunch every week with my girlfriends. Sometimes we even went twice a week. Thank goodness for blog friends!
HilLesha says November 11, 2014 at 10:16 am I’m practically in the same boat! My best friend lives in Michigan. Reply
HilLesha says
November 11, 2014 at 10:16 am
I’m practically in the same boat! My best friend lives in Michigan.
Heather says November 11, 2014 at 12:09 pm Perfect! I was just thinking about this the other day! Friends can be hard to find, and when you do and they move away…ugg! The online world makes it easier to share information but not necessarily connect. Reply
November 11, 2014 at 12:09 pm
Perfect! I was just thinking about this the other day! Friends can be hard to find, and when you do and they move away…ugg! The online world makes it easier to share information but not necessarily connect.
Coralie Seright says November 11, 2014 at 12:51 pm It is so important to have real (face-to-face) people that you talk to every day. It can really change your whole outlook on life to share your thoughts and feelings with someone. I am so blessed with great friends in my life. Reply
Coralie Seright says
November 11, 2014 at 12:51 pm
It is so important to have real (face-to-face) people that you talk to every day. It can really change your whole outlook on life to share your thoughts and feelings with someone. I am so blessed with great friends in my life.
Audrey at Barking Mad! says November 11, 2014 at 1:06 pm I really wish the two and half hours betweeen us was more like 20 minutes. I could have written this myself and am experiencing so many of the things you wrote about. A very close friendship of several years ended almost three years ago and I’ve closed myself off almost completely since then. My lifelong best friend lives in Idaho and with me being in upstate NY, it just really sucks. Combined with no family nearby and well . . . well you can imagine how lonely it can get sometimes. In the interim I’m just grateful for our online friendship, just wish CT was a bit closer to this part of NY! 🙂 Reply Wendy says November 13, 2014 at 12:05 am I keep hearing more and more from others that they are experiencing the same thing! It’s awful. You know, halfway is only 90 minutes each, that’s nothing! We should meet for lunch one day. There is a beautiful bridge to walk over in Pooghkeepsie! Reply Laurie says July 4, 2018 at 4:56 am Hi…I can definitely relate to this subject and these comments. I’m single, have dogs, not children, and often feel lonely. My close friends have moved away from the area or are busy with family. I often lament the difficulty of finding true friends in adulthood. I too live in upstate NY. Maybe we should compare interests? Please consider. Reply Wendy says August 8, 2018 at 11:54 am It really is hard as adults, huh? Its one of the things I think about when I want to move away- will I be able to make friends. Reply
Audrey at Barking Mad! says
November 11, 2014 at 1:06 pm
I really wish the two and half hours betweeen us was more like 20 minutes. I could have written this myself and am experiencing so many of the things you wrote about. A very close friendship of several years ended almost three years ago and I’ve closed myself off almost completely since then. My lifelong best friend lives in Idaho and with me being in upstate NY, it just really sucks. Combined with no family nearby and well . . . well you can imagine how lonely it can get sometimes. In the interim I’m just grateful for our online friendship, just wish CT was a bit closer to this part of NY! 🙂
Wendy says November 13, 2014 at 12:05 am I keep hearing more and more from others that they are experiencing the same thing! It’s awful. You know, halfway is only 90 minutes each, that’s nothing! We should meet for lunch one day. There is a beautiful bridge to walk over in Pooghkeepsie! Reply
November 13, 2014 at 12:05 am
I keep hearing more and more from others that they are experiencing the same thing! It’s awful. You know, halfway is only 90 minutes each, that’s nothing! We should meet for lunch one day. There is a beautiful bridge to walk over in Pooghkeepsie!
Laurie says July 4, 2018 at 4:56 am Hi…I can definitely relate to this subject and these comments. I’m single, have dogs, not children, and often feel lonely. My close friends have moved away from the area or are busy with family. I often lament the difficulty of finding true friends in adulthood. I too live in upstate NY. Maybe we should compare interests? Please consider. Reply Wendy says August 8, 2018 at 11:54 am It really is hard as adults, huh? Its one of the things I think about when I want to move away- will I be able to make friends. Reply
Laurie says
July 4, 2018 at 4:56 am
Hi…I can definitely relate to this subject and these comments. I’m single, have dogs, not children, and often feel lonely. My close friends have moved away from the area or are busy with family. I often lament the difficulty of finding true friends in adulthood. I too live in upstate NY. Maybe we should compare interests? Please consider.
Wendy says August 8, 2018 at 11:54 am It really is hard as adults, huh? Its one of the things I think about when I want to move away- will I be able to make friends. Reply
August 8, 2018 at 11:54 am
It really is hard as adults, huh? Its one of the things I think about when I want to move away- will I be able to make friends.
Tiff @ Babes and Kids says November 13, 2014 at 12:29 pm That’s so hard when you just need and want a friend. A lot of my good friends have come from church and we don’t necessarily have kids the same age. Reply
Tiff @ Babes and Kids says
November 13, 2014 at 12:29 pm
That’s so hard when you just need and want a friend. A lot of my good friends have come from church and we don’t necessarily have kids the same age.
Jessica Cassidy says November 13, 2014 at 4:45 pm My best friend moved to Canada 🙁 We still connect through Facebook or through phone. It is not the same that I cannot see her and her family. Life is not fair 🙁 Reply
Jessica Cassidy says
November 13, 2014 at 4:45 pm
My best friend moved to Canada 🙁 We still connect through Facebook or through phone. It is not the same that I cannot see her and her family. Life is not fair 🙁
Carrie @ poet in the pantry says November 13, 2014 at 8:00 pm It is SO hard making friends as an adult! My closest friends live far away and I don’t get to see them often. I work out of town. I’m not around people much who live where I live and it’s never worked out trying to be friends with my kids’ friends’ parents. I tried reconnecting with old friends from high school and that hasn’t really worked out either. Oy. I wish I had the answer for you! Reply
Carrie @ poet in the pantry says
November 13, 2014 at 8:00 pm
It is SO hard making friends as an adult! My closest friends live far away and I don’t get to see them often. I work out of town. I’m not around people much who live where I live and it’s never worked out trying to be friends with my kids’ friends’ parents. I tried reconnecting with old friends from high school and that hasn’t really worked out either. Oy. I wish I had the answer for you!
Krista says November 14, 2014 at 8:56 pm If you lived here in NYC, I’d totally grab a cup of coffee or tea (or fries) with you Wendy! 🙂 Reply Wendy says November 17, 2014 at 8:23 am Krista- I’m not too far away, and we get into the City regularly! Let’s make it happen! Reply
Krista says
November 14, 2014 at 8:56 pm
If you lived here in NYC, I’d totally grab a cup of coffee or tea (or fries) with you Wendy! 🙂
Wendy says November 17, 2014 at 8:23 am Krista- I’m not too far away, and we get into the City regularly! Let’s make it happen! Reply
November 17, 2014 at 8:23 am
Krista- I’m not too far away, and we get into the City regularly! Let’s make it happen!
Beth says September 9, 2018 at 8:47 pm I never moved away but work at home which doesn’t help. My friends I used to talk to and hang out with stopped calling or are too busy….. it is tiring being the person that calls or organizes get togethers. Why doesn’t someone think of me or miss spending time with me?? Reply
Beth says
September 9, 2018 at 8:47 pm
I never moved away but work at home which doesn’t help. My friends I used to talk to and hang out with stopped calling or are too busy….. it is tiring being the person that calls or organizes get togethers. Why doesn’t someone think of me or miss spending time with me??
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