Defining Yourself

Today I went on a field trip with my daughter’s choir to Six Flags New England. Well, actually we went to a chorus and band competition (Where we received a God Medal – YAY !) and afterwards we went to the amusement park.    I was among a group on ladies who went to be chaperons. Being a chaperone when you’re with Middle School kids is totally different- apparently is does not require shadowing kids- but  just being available should the kids need us.  So my new friend Sarah and I started walking  around the park. I knew I had 10,000 steps to get in today, and I was ready to get it done. Sarah and I came across a really cool looking roller coaster: Bizzaro


Normally, I am not the bravest roller coaster rider.  I have had a great fear of not only roller coasters, but being able to fit on them.  I was pretty sure I would be fine because I had lost all this weight, plus I saw people who were my size or  bigger in line. So Sarah and I get on the line and prepare to wait 90 120 minutes to ride.   We chatted with people in line as we waited and  I got more and more nervous… it was nearly our turn,  and I was scared to DEATH!  We were next to get on, and  I was still scared silly, both of the ride and  of whether or not I’d be able to fit. I was feeling pretty optimistic since I had ridden some of the other roller coasters in the park with Aedan last year.  The cars pulled up, and Sarah and I climbed in.  It was  tight fit but I snuggled into the car, and went to put on the seat belt.

It didn’t fit.

I was immediately flooded with shame, horror and despair, not to mention embarrassment and HUGE disappointment. I smiled weakly at Sarah and told her that I couldn’t ride as the seat belt wouldn’t work.  I  climbed out and told her I’d wait for her at the gate. I felt as if every single person on that line  (and there were hundreds) were pointing at me and talking about me  I thought the were repeating the stuff I was saying in my mindI was too fat, unworthy,and a lesser person because I couldn’t fit on the ride.  I really wanted to go grab an ice cream, or cotton candy or cheese fries and go sit and pout.

Then I stopped, took a DEEP breath,and decided to stop!  Those are NOT the type of thoughts I needed to be thinking. It was not worthy of all the hard work and commitment I’ve been putting in.. I decided to think about all the awesome things I’ve been doing lately.

  • I’m down from nearly a size 28 to a size 18
  • I’ve lost LOTS of pounds and inches this year
  • I’ve changed the way my family and  I eat
  • I’ve made real changes to our lives in every way

And I am.  Not fitting on a roller coaster was embarrassing, sure, but it didn’t make me a bad person. It didn’t make all those awesome changes and progress I’ve made  worthless.   It just meant I had a little more work to do FOR THIS RIDE ONLY.  There were plenty of other roller coasters that would fit on.  I didn’t need ice cream or cheese fries to make myself better.  I had prepared and brought with me healthy food and snacks.  I had eaten some of my  lunch on the bus, and so Sarah and I split a grilled buffalo chicken wrap with lots of lettuce and veggie and a little cheese.  I refilled my water bottle and walk by the ice cram booth, and the  fried dough and reminded myself I had an apple and some peanut butter on the bus for a snack.

I also reminded myself how hard I had been working as  Mamavation Mom.   I didn’t want to disappoint anyone including MYSELF, so I  just drank my water and walked to try and get my steps in.   I ended up only getting in  about 9300 steps, so when I got home, exhausted, I had to go for a walk around the block to get in enough step. Then I pulled up my big girl panties and  completed my workout,and had another LARGE glass of water.

And I still sad?  Honestly, yes I am. But I am NOT devastated. I am energized to work harder so I can get on that damn roller coaster by the end of the summer.  I am so motivated to  make this happen.  I promise myself that I will.



  1. Megan @mnmspecial May 19, 2012
    • Wendy May 19, 2012
  2. Amanda May 19, 2012
    • Wendy May 19, 2012
    • Wendy May 19, 2012
  3. Leah Segedie May 20, 2012
  4. Monica young May 21, 2012
  5. Candy Olivares May 21, 2012
  6. Lindsay May 21, 2012
  7. Sherry May 21, 2012
  8. Hanan May 21, 2012

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.